Job at the Zoo !!

bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a
huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to
death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is
attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two
chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He
grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to
do and
throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?"



(Wait for it,



wait for it - scroll down!)





























The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant! Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

A burglar broke into a house and shone his flashlight around looking for valuables.

He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from
the dark saying: 'Jesus is watching you.' He nearly jumped out of his
skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze.

When he heard nothing more he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out he heard: 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically. Finally, in the corner of the room his light beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep,' the parrot
confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's
watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

Moses,' replied the bird.

Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

"The kind that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

I don't believe it. More like you've got Adobe Photoshop

Excellent jokes as ever Brian

do you need an A or B to tell jokes like that