Council Tax Evaluation

A new council tax e-valuation policy wants to charge us more if we live
in a nice area.That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in
a rough area.

There is a huge council house in our street.The extended family is run
by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs.Her car isn't taxed or
insured and doesn't even have a number plate,

but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is notorious for racist comments.A shopkeeper
blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's
girlfriend.but nothing has been proved yet.



All the kids have broken marriages except the youngest,who everyone
thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying
in nightclubs.They are out of control.

I hate living near Windsor Castle.

Alternative meanings - neologisms








Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions
to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline ...

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets
stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington
Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon
(n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

15. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

Really Good Brian
Star Stuff
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